So, I work on the 2nd floor of an office complex in Wichita. The 2nd floor has business's like insurance, investment, energy, etc. The 3rd floor is primarily for hair salons, massage therapy, photography, and the like.
Right above my office, there is a hair salon that I go to out of sheer convenience. Earlier today, I hear music blaring above me - fkg rap - and I can't figure wtf is going on. I let it play out for about 10 minutes and then it just starts to fkn annoy me. I'm trying to have a phone conversation and I'm hearing Lil Whayne in the background:-)
Anyhoo, I walk up to the 3rd floor salon, and there are no lights on. Initially, I thought maybe they might have some construction workers doing something for them, since they are closed on Monday's - but, where's the lights?. I knock on the door - no answer. I then proceed to walk in and turn the corner to the salon area. And then, I see it. There is a woman, buck naked, blowing a guy in a barber chair. The dude makes eye contact with me.
ChiTown "Uhh, sorry bout that".
Dude: "Uuh, Uuh, babe" (and points at me)
Chick (turning around to see what it is): "F*&^!" (and makes some guttural shrieking noise, while trying to cover herself up)
That's the some total of that conversation. Ok, here's where it get's weird.
A. Fkg lock the gdamn door next time you dumbfug's
B. Chick = Owner of the Salon
C. Dude does not equal her husband, whom I have met before
D. Chick = Gal who cuts my hair
E. I have an appointment with her to cut my hair on Friday:-)
Before you ask, yes, she has a very nice ass, and a decent set of knockers. I have totally blocked out any image of the man's penis. I need a drink......... [Reply]
Oh, and when you explain it to your wife, remember this: you saw the action at 9:00 this morning, and she came down as soon as she got dressed. Then don't ever let your wife visit Chiefsplanet. [Reply]
I've said here before and I'll say it again: Hairdressers are nearly synonymous with strippers. I've even known hairdressers that strip on amateur nights.
hmmmm
I'm gonna need names, numbers and pictures for verification. [Reply]
Originally Posted by ChiTown:
OK, with the excitement of today, I sort of forgot that my wife was coming by my office around 9:30 so we could go to my son's classroom play together. F*&^! Chick sees wife - wife sees chick who has been crying - chick scurries out of office. This isn't going to end well, and my penis never even got out of my pants.
Chi - "Hey"
Wife - "........................."
Chi - "you ready to go?"
Wife - (looking for blunt object in my office to beat me with) "NO! WTF was that?"
Ok, at this point, I can't decide whether it would just be easier to lie and to say it was me in the barber chair, or to tell the truth while she's calls me a liar. Seriously, what woman is going to believe this shit.
Chi - "We're going to be late"
Wife - "**** You! What was that all about?"
Normally, I get turned on when my wife talks dirty, but somehow, my penis was going inverted at this point.
Chi - (blurting out the truth) "She gave a BJ to some guy in her barber chair and I watched.................." ****! Not watched you dumbass, SAW!
Wife - "You watched!" (Tears)
OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure my son will be without one or both parents at his class play. All b/c his Dad didn't get a blow job, but bore witness to one.
Chi - "SAW, not watched, SAW!"
Wife - (Cussing and crying - all very inaudible)
Chi - "Well, we need to go if we're going to........"
Wife - "BS, I can't believe you are cheating on me with a stripper"
This really sucks, ya know. First of all, she's a beauty technician, not a stripper - so I was a little offended by that. 2ndly, I NEVER FKG CHEATED, GAWDAMNIT! Nevertheless, my marriage of 15+ years, is about to go down in flames in less than 15 minutes. Short of a Nuclear Holocaust blowing through Wichita, I thought this whole sequence was going rather well....
Chi - "She cuts my hair - THAT's all"
Wife - (she's now on her cell phone - I had no idea she had our lawyer on speed dial)
Chi - "Hun?"
Wife -"I don't want to be around you. I'm going to the play, and would prefer if you didn't go" (office door slams shut)
Swellsville. **** it. I have half of a mind to go up to Chick's shop and get the BJ that my wife thinks I have already received. At least I wouldn't be lying in her eyes at that point.
Chi - (phoning the hair salon) "yeah, I need to cancel my appointment for today"
Phone Hooker (IQ of 3) - Would you like to reschedule, Mr. ChiTown?
Chi, I need help dealing with your sister in law...Mrs. T.B.A.....tell me how you plan to deal with YOUR predicament. I will make it fit my current criteria. [Reply]
Originally Posted by T.B.A.:
Chi, I need help dealing with your sister in law...Mrs. T.B.A.....tell me how you plan to deal with YOUR predicament. I will make it fit my current criteria.
Do yourself a favor - shoot yourself in the face. STAT! [Reply]
Originally Posted by ChiTown:
Do yourself a favor - shoot yourself in the face. STAT!
On our 14th anniversary, I told her..."Being married to you has been the best 12 years of my life....the other 2 have sucked....you know a couple of shitty months here, a couple there...." She was NOT amused.
Yeah, you're right, shoulda shot myself in the face.
Boys, if you're not married, remember Marriage is like drugs.
