.. That's right. F*ck you Golf. You piece of Shiot-sucking game. **** you again, I say.
And F8ck the goat sodomizing bastard Scotsman who invented the miserable game. If I see that (pinkie pulling) mother f@cker in heaven I'll beat his f@cking brains in. Course if he invented golf, that means he played golf and every golfer by definition is cheater and a liar therefore he's probably in hell... WHERE HE ****ING BELONGS!! for inventing this terminally f@cked, terminally frustrating, hypertension causing game.
**** HIM!!!!
Oh and to my golf clubs... **** YOU you dirty no good (pinkie pullers) See if I ever take you useless bastards anywhere nice again. You all deserve to be melted down and turned into f*cking bicycle spokes. That's right!!! Do you hear me? F*cking bicycle spokes!!!!! You bastards let me down today. You embarrassed me. Absolutely embarrassed me.
Don't look at me like that. You MF'ers did all that shiot on purpose and you ****ling know it!!! Especially you 5-Iron. Don't act like you didn't deserve that 75 foot helicopter ride down the cart path after you intentionally scuffed that tee shot on the par 3. You just sat there laughing as my ball skipped like a f@cking flat rock before it settled to the bottom of that lake. You're lucky I didn't throw you in front of a speeding semi-trailer. So F@CK YOU!!!!!
Don't look so upset 7-Iron. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your job. From 140 - 160 you were dead on. I want you to know I'm not taking this out on you. You still have a home.
As for you pitching wedge. Just what f*cking good are you? You think it's funny? Huh? Do ya? You little SOB. Don't make me come over there and bash you into the ground again you useless hunk of f*cking pot metal. Smacking balls over the green today. Just to p!ss me off. WTF did I ever do to you? I bought you. Put a f@cking roof over your head. Clean you religiously. Keep the dirt and grime off you. Give you a nice cover so you don't get hurt by the other clubs when bouncing around in the cart and cause a dent. This is how you repay my kindness? By blasting shots OVER the f*cking green from 20, 30, 40, 15 yards away? Listen real close mother f*cking pitching wedge. If you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again I will get the hacksaw out and slice you up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I'll do it slow. Real f*cking slow. And I'll video tape the whole mother f*cking thing. Yep. And I'll show it to all the other clubs in the bag. Just to let them know I' will not tolerate this type of play.
DO YOU F*CKING HEAR ME???????
I hope so because if this ever happens again, I will encase you mother f*ckers in concrete and sink you to the bottom of the mother f*cking ocean. The Feds will find Hoffa before they'll find you f*ckers.
Originally Posted by KevB:
That rant is about the funniest thing I've ever read online. I was in tears. The funniest thing of all is that my wife read it after she saw me laughing hysterically.....and she didn't even crack a smile. Apparently swearing at and threatening inanimate objects (which I've done many tiems) are a guy thing.
Originally Posted by WilliamTheIrish:
I'll bid on it. But the putter was actually semi golden today. I actually drilled a 45 footer today...
TO SAVE A TRIPLE BOGEY!!!!!!
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?
3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.
Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy. [Reply]
Hey William, here I am perusing the responses to this thread and who do I see in the list at the bottom of the page as veiwing the thread but "6 Iron". :-)
Better be careful, they are still watching you! You can't get away from them even here on the Planet! [Reply]
Originally Posted by Phobia:
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?
3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.
Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.
Brutal.... we needed bushel baskets for pins that day ! [Reply]
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Hydrae:
Hey William, here I am perusing the responses to this thread and who do I see in the list at the bottom of the page as veiwing the thread but "6 Iron". :-)
Better be careful, they are still watching you! You can't get away from them even here on the Planet!
What is the deal with "6 iron"? He once sent me a PM correcting my spelling for calling someone a "looser". I promptly ripped him a new one for his ignorance of the lexicon. Never seen him since. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Phobia:
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?
3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.
Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.
I'll vouch for him too. Those greens were designed in hell. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Skip Towne:
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans.
All women talk shit to you, needle dick. I'd talk shit on a pony tailed 80 year old Direct Tv installer too. [Reply]
Originally Posted by Skip Towne:
Man, you really SUCK. I'll bet I can beat you with a driver and a 5 iron on the course of your choice. Of course you are a K-State fan so I feel a little guilty taking advantage of the feeble minded. While minding my own business late one night in the 19th hole, the Women's Club Champion got to talking shit to me. Innocently, I told her I could beat her with a driver and an 8 iron. Lots of bets took place and her husband bet heavily on me. He was a wise man as I shot a 39 to her 45. It is surprisingly easy to putt with a driver and actually not a handicap at all. Women are stupid but so are K-State fans.
I smell another fundraiser for the 37 foundation. I'll take that bet if your offering :-) [Reply]
Originally Posted by Phobia:
Been there. Did I ever tell you the story about the 350 yard par 4 I drove at the 37 Forever golf event 2 years ago?
3 tiered green. I'm on the lowest tier. First putt comes within 2 feet of the hole. I'm stoked. Only problem.... I hit past it. For my putt, I nudged it knowing that if I went past, the ball was gone. Sure enough, as soon as the putter face touched the ball, that sumbitch hauled ass 50 feet down the hill again.
Ended up with a double and was HAPPY to get that. Toughest greens in the world. That's no lie. Ask Roy.
Most of the places I play have pretty pedestrian greens. Except for Lions Gate. Those muthas were were like pool table slate. But I hit a long one there on 17(?). 7 Iron from the fringe. Just touched it and it rolled.... and rolled ...... and rolled..... then dropped.
Originally Posted by Skip Towne:
What is the deal with "6 iron"? He once sent me a PM correcting my spelling for calling someone a "looser". I promptly ripped him a new one for his ignorance of the lexicon. Never seen him since.
Skip, still here. I read through the post, and could not think of anything interesting to add. As for not being around, I needed considerable reconstructive surgery to repair the "new one". It looks good though, and works fine. Thanks for your concern. [Reply]
Originally Posted by WilliamTheIrish:
Most of the places I play have pretty pedestrian greens. Except for Lions Gate. Those muthas were were like pool table slate. But I hit a long one there on 17(?). 7 Iron from the fringe. Just touched it and it rolled.... and rolled ...... and rolled..... then dropped.
Cool as hell.
That is what I love about golf I can't for the life of me remember the name of the person my wife introduce me to 3 hours ago. But if you say a course that I only played once 6 years ago I will give you a shot by shot detail with the description of every hole. :-) [Reply]
