Originally Posted by ThaVirus:
Same here, but I still wonder everyday.
Figure there are a lot of CPers who have been doing it long enough to have a better idea. Might be a good opportunity to brag about their parents or themselves. Or maybe a good time for introspection on how to be better.
This will sound like an old man, but limit their screen time, punish them every time they break the rules, and don't turn them into narcissists by telling them how great they are 24/7. [Reply]
Originally Posted by ThaVirus:
Bruh. I talk about this all the time! We had our bikes. We’d be halfway across the city while mom was working. As long as you were back by the time the street lights turned on, everything was good in the hood.
It’s kind of alarming how little our parents knew about our location and activities back in those days.
Omg. Are you serious?
Yes
So they got a different kind of parenting.
Eldest of that union is running a King Soopers and keeps my grocery bill low. The other one wants to be a chef.
Both needed my help in setting up a bank account.
So… little bit of column A little bit of column B. [Reply]
Originally Posted by ThrobProng:
This will sound like an old man, but limit their screen time, punish them every time they break the rules, and don't turn them into narcissists by telling them how great they are 24/7.
This guy gets it.
Line out the rules ahead of time, and the punishment that comes with it. When they decide to break the rules they will already know what's coming.
Screen time has a HUGE effect on how my kids act. Right again.
To answer the OP, my parents were awesome. I hope I'm doing as well as they did raising me and my brothers. [Reply]
Originally Posted by ThaVirus:
Bruh. I talk about this all the time! We had our bikes. We’d be halfway across the city while mom was working. As long as you were back by the time the street lights turned on, everything was good in the hood.
It’s kind of alarming how little our parents knew about our location and activities back in those days.
Omg. Are you serious?
I grew up in rural MO. It was the same thing. We were wherever/whenever. Just be home by dark. [Reply]
Both of my parents were great when I was young, and I can only hope to be as good of a father to my children as they get older as my dad has been with me. [Reply]
It was just different eras etc.. When I was a kid I was expected to have my chores done before 0900. If I had a summer time ball game I was expected to get on my bike and go. My folks didn't attend that shit or care, they were busy scratching out a living. My folks never gave me rides somewhere...screw that kid, figure it out. Things were best when they didn't know what I was doing.
When I had kids we attended all their activities. We helicoptered the shit out of them. We were in tune big time. They turned out great and I turned out ok.
Its a means and methods thing. Both my parents achieved their goals of raising good human beings. I achieved the same goals with a different means and method.
My kids are currently 29 and 25. One struggled with some mental issues in college but seems to be doing quite well these days (thankfully, no substance abuse was involved). His brother is working toward his PhD in physics, has a longtime steady GF whom he'll probably marry. We're proud of both.
What's different: I was a kid of the 70s and as Virus and Katipan mentioned, boy did I have my freedom. Not just to roam the neighborhood at will. But my folks would drop me off at movie theaters by myself, starting around age 9 or 10. They put me on airplanes by myself starting at age 8 to fly back to Missouri to spend summers with my grandparents. They took me to rock concerts starting at age 10, and for my 13th birthday allowed a couple who were their friends to pick me up at school and drive me an hour-and-a-half away to attend a Grateful Dead concert (the couple were both big Dead Heads), spend the night at their home, and then drop me off at school the next morning.
That stuff NEVER happens today. I survived just fine and have great stories to tell about it all. But my wife would never allow it with our own kids. Just different times. [Reply]
If you use “gentle parenting” then you probably can’t say you are a better parent (outside of parental induced trauma or things like that).
Also, I see that a lot of parents are far worst than they would either like to admit or perhaps realize. Whether it’s little things like not following through on a seemingly inconsequential promise or big things like justifying excessive screen time because they think it’s “educational.”
Also, if you give your kid an unrestricted smart phone anytime before, at the absolute earliest age 12, you are not being a good parent. Smart phones and unrestricted tablet access really need to wait until after puberty. [Reply]
But my mom was 21 when I was born and unmarried. Her mom was 18 when she was born...also out of wedlock.
I was 32 with 2 stable incomes when my first was born.
Yeah, I'm a hell of a lot better at it. But it's not because I'm some spectacular parenting talent or anything. I had the sliders set to Rookie.
Then again, that wasn't by accident either. I mean, I was dating my wife when we were 16/17. I just made WAY better decisions through my teens/20s than my mom did in that regard.
My dad set the bar pretty damn low, so i don't like to take credit for much.
My kid is 17 and is much less of a mess than i was at that age. At 17, my kid has a nice modern home, lives 3 minutes walking from his school, eats 3 meals a day and always has a kitchen full of food whenever he's hungry.
He has his own room, a PS5, an Iphone and a Smart TV and a good wardrobe.
When i was 17 i was living in a homeless shelter.
My son is kind, thoughtful, well mannered, always looks out for the best interest of others and has never really talked back or given me a hard time about anything, ever. He's a great kid and i don't feel right sitting here taking credit for it either.
To answer your question: I don't know that im a better father. Like others have said, times are different. Im a better provider, i guess. My son has way more support, family, love and material items than i ever had.
But....i learned a lot from my dad. Intentional or not. Living a life like that, i learned how to be a man at a very young age.
Lessons that...maybe i feel like ive failed at as a father. [Reply]
Originally Posted by ToxSocks:
Whoa. That's a bomb you just dropped. Are you serious?
We had a big conversation on CP when it happened. Wasn’t a secret. But I’m delighted to think you might not know half the shit about me that I’ve posted about. 😁 [Reply]
