.. That's right. F*ck you Golf. You piece of Shiot-sucking game. **** you again, I say.
And F8ck the goat sodomizing bastard Scotsman who invented the miserable game. If I see that (pinkie pulling) mother f@cker in heaven I'll beat his f@cking brains in. Course if he invented golf, that means he played golf and every golfer by definition is cheater and a liar therefore he's probably in hell... WHERE HE ****ING BELONGS!! for inventing this terminally f@cked, terminally frustrating, hypertension causing game.
**** HIM!!!!
Oh and to my golf clubs... **** YOU you dirty no good (pinkie pullers) See if I ever take you useless bastards anywhere nice again. You all deserve to be melted down and turned into f*cking bicycle spokes. That's right!!! Do you hear me? F*cking bicycle spokes!!!!! You bastards let me down today. You embarrassed me. Absolutely embarrassed me.
Don't look at me like that. You MF'ers did all that shiot on purpose and you ****ling know it!!! Especially you 5-Iron. Don't act like you didn't deserve that 75 foot helicopter ride down the cart path after you intentionally scuffed that tee shot on the par 3. You just sat there laughing as my ball skipped like a f@cking flat rock before it settled to the bottom of that lake. You're lucky I didn't throw you in front of a speeding semi-trailer. So F@CK YOU!!!!!
Don't look so upset 7-Iron. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your job. From 140 - 160 you were dead on. I want you to know I'm not taking this out on you. You still have a home.
As for you pitching wedge. Just what f*cking good are you? You think it's funny? Huh? Do ya? You little SOB. Don't make me come over there and bash you into the ground again you useless hunk of f*cking pot metal. Smacking balls over the green today. Just to p!ss me off. WTF did I ever do to you? I bought you. Put a f@cking roof over your head. Clean you religiously. Keep the dirt and grime off you. Give you a nice cover so you don't get hurt by the other clubs when bouncing around in the cart and cause a dent. This is how you repay my kindness? By blasting shots OVER the f*cking green from 20, 30, 40, 15 yards away? Listen real close mother f*cking pitching wedge. If you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again I will get the hacksaw out and slice you up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But I'll do it slow. Real f*cking slow. And I'll video tape the whole mother f*cking thing. Yep. And I'll show it to all the other clubs in the bag. Just to let them know I' will not tolerate this type of play.
DO YOU F*CKING HEAR ME???????
I hope so because if this ever happens again, I will encase you mother f*ckers in concrete and sink you to the bottom of the mother f*cking ocean. The Feds will find Hoffa before they'll find you f*ckers.
:-) Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to the ball after you hit it.
Went out and tried a new course today - definately needed the day out. After the first part of this week the fact that I hit maybe 1 good drive all day didn't even phase my attitude. Irons and wedges were working great and pulled my a decent score for the first time there and also playing from the championship tees. [Reply]
Originally Posted by PastorMikH: :-) Maybe you shouldn't stand so close to the ball after you hit it.
Went out and tried a new course today - definately needed the day out. After the first part of this week the fact that I hit maybe 1 good drive all day didn't even phase my attitude. Irons and wedges were working great and pulled my a decent score for the first time there and also playing from the championship tees.
Ya know if you weren't a man o' God......telling me about your great round.....
And it wasn't a great game, decent for a first visit to the course, but the day on the greens and out of the office was awesome! I think I could have scored 120 today and not minded. [Reply]
That rant is about the funniest thing I've ever read online. I was in tears. The funniest thing of all is that my wife read it after she saw me laughing hysterically.....and she didn't even crack a smile. Apparently swearing at and threatening inanimate objects (which I've done many tiems) are a guy thing.
