This thread just took a turn for the worse.........
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Easy now, this isn't Jamie you're talkin' to...
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Definitely.... :-)
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I've tried sarcasm and I've tried serious advice.

Now I will share with you the very basic tenets of gettinglaidism:
1. Brush your teeth. This goes for all our young male virgins.
2. Shave that nasty mug.
3. Wear something nice but don't borrow anything from your dad. Drop a hot iron on that shirt and run a brush over those nasty shoes.
4. Clip and clean your nails. Chicks actually care about that sort of thing. A little lotion on the hands won't hurt anything. Not that kind of lotion, though.
5. Talk about her more than you talk about yourself.
6. Don't reveal your faults voluntarily. If she sticks around long enough, she'll discover them herself in time. That's the way it should be.
7. Keep the conversation light and positive. Negative drags a person down. That includes discussion about your mother's condition. If she brings it up, be candid and quickly change to a more pleasant subject. A variety of topics is a good thing. No matter how much she likes football, she doesn't want to hear about the Chiefs all night.
8. Soft lips. No teeth clicking. Swallow that excessive saliva. Relax. Take your time. No face licking.
9. Try touching her face. That will make you appear to be sensitive and sincere whether you are or not.
10. Be confident, don't apologize for yourself. You're a great catch. She's lucky to have this opportunity to be with you.
11. Make sure all her needs are met. The more physically comfortable you make her, the more emotionally comfortable she will allow herself to be.
12. Do not talk about your ex-girlfriend.


These are just a few from the top of my head. This is not rocket science, but you now have a head start. Good luck.
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Damn, leave it to me to ruin a perfect good thread.

Morphius
thread killing bastage...
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13. steal her purse












I'm sorry that lacked any funny but I'm very tired :-)
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And when all else fails, whip it out, slap it on her knee, and murmur "Suck me, beautiful."
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Or just tell her you have a nine inch tongue and can breathe out of your ears. Just be mindful that she will want proof...............
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You are the man. You tell it straight like it is and i compliment you on it.
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...(drum roll)...LAdies and gentelmen,,,Mr Ron Jeremy The 2nd :-)
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1st bit of advice: anyone with 10,000 posts on a football message board in the last 24 months? Throw all of that advice out.

2nd. Tell her you are a virgin.

That ought to do it.
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Dude. Thanks. I hope it works for me.
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Telling her you are a virgin makes her wonder whats wrong with you. Act like you've been there and done that.
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oh man... this thread made me laugh soo many times. Fuggin Great.

Dude... RoyJr... You need to be as chill as possible... Have a good environment set up... a clean pad is a must... also light a couple candles or incense. When you first see her, tell her she looks / or smells great. Give her a nice kiss... hold it for a few seconds longer than a usual kiss greeting. Tell her that you have missed her company since you last saw her. [im assuming she is coming to visit from another town? that is what i gathered...anyway] Sit close to her, and playfully touch her, whenever appropriate... Laugh at her jokes, and be witty, but dont overly attempt at being hilarious like Phobia, Bob Dole, RainMan, and others are. Be yourself as much as possible... Halfway through the date, unzip your pants, whip it out, and yell GIT'R DONE!

Guarantee score.

Also, since she likes football, you could say... Priest Holmes got into the endzone 27 times last year... I have NEVER been in an endzone. Then try to stick it up her butt.

If that doesnt work. Ask her if she likes porno...you would be surprised at how many chicks love pr0n.

good luck at GITTIN R DONE! :-)
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Great thread.

"Okay, let's go to Wendy's. They're open late."
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