The book is a Bill Bryson-style travel memoir of me getting into stupid and sometimes dangerous situations driving from Los Angeles to Panama, including getting stuck on the wrong side of Nicaragua during the uprising of 2018. It also contains a ton of historical information on ancient Mesoamerica and some of the modern politics of Central America—basically, anything that piqued my interest in the year+ I spent researching. Also, I eat a lot of delicious food.
Anyone curious about this part of the world should get a lot out of the book as part of a hopefully funny, entertaining read. I hope you enjoy!
I better post this before I get banned for welching on my bet and posting in DC. If I'm banned and anyone wants to go for any part of the trip - PM flopnuts or BRC - they know me on twoplustwo.com and can contact me. More eyes and ears are always welcome. I've got one guy who wants to go - but he'd have to quit his job, so obviously nothing is guaranteed.
I just got back from a photo trip in Patagonia, where we drove a lot. I LOVE the region and South America in general. Never been to Central America but I've had some great trips in Mexico.
I have two jobs and I'm sick of both. I don't think the side job will last much longer, and the day job is about done for me. I probably need to stick it out until the end of year to get my bonus and pay off some 401(k) loans. But unless I get plugged into some interesting projects - I'm gone. I figure there has to be some advantage to dying alone with no kids. This would be the adventure of my life. I'd try to live-blog it as much as possible.
Our photo tour guide from the Patagonia trip is planning a 20-day partial boat tour next May that he's calling "an expedition". We'll get into some fjords in Southern Chile that hardly any one's ever been to - much less landscape photographers. So that's my parameter - be in Patagonia by mid-May.
I've done some cursory research, and it seems pretty doable.
You have to ship your car across the Darien Gap - which is a PITA.
Very rough plan is to drive to Cabo, then take the ferry from La Paz to Mazatlan. Then head South. I'd probably zip across El Salvador and Honduras as fast as possible, enjoy myself in Costa Rica and maybe Nicaragua. I've been to Peru, Columbia, Chile and Argentina and know they're pretty safe. I feel like I'd want to avoid driving in Brazil, Venezuela (govt might seize my car) or the Guyanas. Paraguay, Uruguay, Bolivia should be fine. I know not to drive at night in sketchy places and find secure parking for my car.
I plan to mostly camp and stay in hostels. I can sleep in my car in a pinch. Maybe splurge on a hotel when I want some extra security for my car. On the way back I may either sell my car or ship to LA or Florida from Colombia.
Prerequisites:
Must learn reasonable conversational Spanish. I know a lot of words but no sentences, etc. I am using this online thing called duolingo. Looking for an an immersion program in LA. There are some Spanish classes by me but they don't start right away.
Lose at least 30 lbs. At 257 - I'm 40-50 lbs over-weight right now. It's just no fun in a lot of ways. I won't enjoy myself unless I get below 230. Plus I hope to get laid a decent amount with my fun story and mad Spanish skillz.
Maximize my social media footprint so hopefully the blog picks up some traction and has a lot of viewers. IE - finish photo website (pretending to sell photos), get active in 500px (2p2 for photographers), start blogging, get active on forum for people doing these driving adventures (forget the name), FJ Cruiser forums, Instagram.
Figure out what modifications if any I want to do to my car. A flat roof rack with a pop-up tent seems really cool. But as I'm going to be jobless maybe I should think about limiting spending. Or maybe some kind of hidden compartment to hide camera gear/computers/etc?
Research, get permits, visas etc. ahead of time.
Big question is whether or not to take my FJ Cruiser or buy an Outback or something for $5k:
Pros:
Great car, nice and high so I can see things developing.
Built like a tank to protect me in a crash.
Can get into fun places like camping on the beach.
I pan to blog the whole thing - so me and my FJ is a fun angle. Me and my Camry lacks the same zing.
Cons:
Everyone says try not to draw attention to yourself. Big ginger beard with CA plates in that car does the exact opposite. (I'm hoping people will think I'm ex-military or something lol)
I am stupidly emotionally attached to my car, and have put some customizations into it. It's got 100k miles so it could easily last me another 10 years. I really would have a hard time selling it at the end, even though supposedly you can get good money in Brazil. Also I know there's a very real probability it doesn't come back from being totaled, or stolen. I have to be ok with that.
15 miles to the gallon/15 gallon tank (yeah wtf) - but I figure I can carry extra tanks.
Any thoughts or advice is mucho appreciated.
I am fine with the idea that I could have everything stolen and have to limp back with my tail between my legs. You don't have an adventure w/o risking something. If I get killed I had a good life. My biggest fears are getting kidnapped or paralyzed in a car wreck. Both seem fairly low probability. [Reply]
Originally Posted by BucEyedPea:
Hope you were able to get out of Nicaragua okay. I saw on Int'l Business Times that US has had a travel warning since January for it and embassy is closed now.
You might want to check the State Dept's site periodically to plan your route.
Also the forum will probably enjoy the fun 4x4 adventure I recently had down near the Darien Gap in Panama. As always it was stupid non-chalant parking, and then escalating dumb decisions. I wound up in the ditch at probably 40 degrees (ignore my commentary in the video, I was confused):
It rains so much, that ground is like the softest mushiest sod. Basically at some point I got pissed and just decided to back up as fast as I could in the ditch. Which ended up clanging against the drain and getting me fully stuck. But on the plus side I did re-dredge their ditch for them. Luckily a propane delivery driver watched the whole thing and immediately pulled me out with the help of my come along strap.
For the record - I was wrong about the right/left attitude. I was looking at forward/back roll. Looking at those pics the right/left was easily 30 degrees. Also as far as me being bitchy about Dan's interview technique - he'd been getting on me for being a dead interviewee. Which is true. Just saying there's history.
Some of you might know Dan Bartlett. He was a bartender at the Hurricane for a few years back in the early 90s. Here's their page: https://www.facebook.com/endofallroads/
We ended up drinking mucho cervezas with the guy who pulled me out, and staying at his hospedaje (cheap hotel) down the road, where be BBQed for us. And we saw the end of the Pan-Am highway in Yaviza - where it turns into a footbridge and then impenetrable jungle after that. Fun day.
Thanks! A little bit at a time. I took another week of intensive classes (4 hours/day) in Boquete, Panama - but I was sick as a dog so I wasn't in top form and didn't do any of the optional activities.
My car is currently on a boat with the Wallenius Wilhelmsen shipping lines - until I can pick it up in Galveston July 2nd or 3rd. So I'm going back to Antigua for one more week of Spanish.
I am determined to have good Spanish before I do South America. Another reason I want to live in San Jose for a while. [Reply]
Originally Posted by suzzer99:
Thanks! A little bit at a time. I took another week of intensive classes (4 hours/day) in Boquete, Panama - but I was sick as a dog so I wasn't in top form and didn't do any of the optional activities.
My car is currently on a boat with the Wallenius Wilhelmsen shipping lines - until I can pick it up in Galveston July 2nd or 3rd. So I'm going back to Antigua for one more week of Spanish.
I am determined to have good Spanish before I do South America. Another reason I want to live in San Jose for a while.
Wait... you're not driving on to Patagonia? [Reply]
Originally Posted by suzzer99:
Thanks! A little bit at a time. I took another week of intensive classes (4 hours/day) in Boquete, Panama - but I was sick as a dog so I wasn't in top form and didn't do any of the optional activities.
My car is currently on a boat with the Wallenius Wilhelmsen shipping lines - until I can pick it up in Galveston July 2nd or 3rd. So I'm going back to Antigua for one more week of Spanish.
I am determined to have good Spanish before I do South America. Another reason I want to live in San Jose for a while.
Don’t feel bad bro. I’ve been in China since September and I can’t hold a conversation in Chinese for shit. Learning a different language is fucking hard. [Reply]
Correct - read the last few paragraphs of my blog post. My foot is for shit right now and I don't want to do S. America if I can't go on multi-day hiking trips - that was the biggest highlight for me.
I had to put my car on a boat either way - it's just going to Galveston instead of Colombia. I'll be back when I can do it right with my foot, have better Spanish and have my condo better squared away. [Reply]
Originally Posted by suzzer99:
Thanks! A little bit at a time. I took another week of intensive classes (4 hours/day) in Boquete, Panama - but I was sick as a dog so I wasn't in top form and didn't do any of the optional activities.
My car is currently on a boat with the Wallenius Wilhelmsen shipping lines - until I can pick it up in Galveston July 2nd or 3rd. So I'm going back to Antigua for one more week of Spanish.
I am determined to have good Spanish before I do South America. Another reason I want to live in San Jose for a while.
Well the main thing is to be able to converse. Don’t waist time on vocabulary you’re never going to use. [Reply]
Originally Posted by suzzer99:
Correct - read the last few paragraphs of my blog post. My foot is for shit right now and I don't want to do S. America if I can't go on multi-day hiking trips - that was the biggest highlight for me.
I had to put my car on a boat either way - it's just going to Galveston instead of Colombia. I'll be back when I can do it right with my foot, have better Spanish and have my condo better squared away.
I feel like you’ve welshed on our deal. I subscribed to a Cali to Patagonia blog experience. :-) [Reply]
Originally Posted by PunkinDrublic:
Don’t feel bad bro. I’ve been in China since September and I can’t hold a conversation in Chinese for shit. Learning a different language is ****ing hard.
I would imagine chinese would be very difficult to learn. What are you doing in China ? [Reply]
Originally Posted by PunkinDrublic:
Don’t feel bad bro. I’ve been in China since September and I can’t hold a conversation in Chinese for shit. Learning a different language is fucking hard.
Originally Posted by Hog's Gone Fishin:
I would imagine chinese would be very difficult to learn. What are you doing in China ?
I learned Mandarin Chinese back in NJ with a private tutor in 1994 after going to China/Hong Kong many times beginning in Feb of that year and feeling so completely helpless. At that time, there were very, very few English speaking Chinese except in places like hotels and that was about it. No lower level people spoke English. She taught me to speak, read and write.
You learn about tone and the Chinese radicals, which are symbols hidden in the letters and words to signify whether they are water symbols, fire symbols, earth symbols, animal symbols, human symbols, etc.
It is hard as fuck to learn and it took me two weeks of practice with the teacher just to learn the phonetic alphabet. I needed a tape recorder to realize I was saying the tones wrong. You learn the "Pinyin" system of "Ma Ba Pa, Chr Zhr Shr, along with the four tones; flat, rising, dipthong, and drop tone.
You take a word like "Ba". It has 4 meanings based on your tone. The number 8, a target, a father, and a handle/plow like object.
I would NEVER take Cantonese as they have 8 tones and many are throat tones like the word NG, where you don't even open your mouth!
My breakthrough in learning the tones came as one night I imagined my voice traveling down a road looking ahead.
If the road was flat, my voice stayed even.
If the road was an incline, so did my voice.
If the road had a dip, I did the same speaking.
Lastly, if the road dropped down a hill quickly, so did my tone.
