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Hall of Classics>The Declaration Of Independence, MO - The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel
Hammock Parties 02:57 AM 07-21-2012
The Declaration Of Independence, MO


The People vs. Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel


When in the course of football events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the fandom bands which have connected them with a Quarterback, and to assume among the Powers of the NFL, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Football and of the NFL's Goodell entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Quarterbacks are not created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain Unalienable Talents, that among these are Arm Strength, Accuracy and the Pursuit of Championships.

That to secure these talents, Quarterbacks are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the Consent of the Fanbase, That whenever any Form of Quarterback becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Quarterbacks, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Attendance At Arrowhead and Hope For A Championship.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Quarterbacks Long Established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably The Same Offense evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to Throw Off Such Quarterbacks, and to provide new Guards (however, neither left nor right) for their Future Rooting Interests.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Chiefs Fans; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Offense. The history of the present Quarterback is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an Absolute Run-First Offense over the State of Missouri.

To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.


Cassel 3:16


Spoiler!


Playoff Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Winning Teams Beat Cassel At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Lacks Deep Passing Ability


Spoiler!


Cassel Makes Offensive Linemen Worse


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Good Defenses At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!


Cassel Struggles Against Elite Quarterbacks At An Alarming Rate


Spoiler!



We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of Chiefs Fans, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme GM of Arrowhead for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Chiefs, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Chiefs fans are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent of Matthew Gus Brennan Cassel.

That they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Patriot Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of New England, is and ought to be totally dissolved.

And that as Free and Independent Chiefs Fans, they have full Power to levy Boos, conclude Peace, contract Alliances with Dwayne Bowe, establish Commerce with Top Five Picks, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Fans may of right do.

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Playoff Fortunes and our Sacred Fandom.


SIGN BELOW


This post made possible by SNR, Coogs and The Gang Of 14.
Statistics compiled by ESPN, PFF and PFR

Dedicated to 'Hamas' Jenkins, our Patrick Henry, who said "Give Me Sanchez, Or Give Me Death."









For further details, please review The Pioli Facts.

The Declaration has been updated with statistics from 2012 and FINALIZED. Remove Matt Cassel from Kansas City. FOREVER.

[Reply]
saphojunkie 11:27 AM 07-22-2012
Josh Looney was writing an article this week about how great Baldwin was at minicamp. He wrote that "There were acrobatic catches, leaping grabs and toe-touch finishes."

At first I thought "Great! Jon Baldwin is going to blow up!"

Then I realized...why is Cassel throwing passes so high that a 6'4 receiver with a 40 inch vertical has to LEAP for it? Or go to his toes?

Cassel throwing over people's heads and at their feet. Yay.

New offensive schemes has Wylie and McCluster running mirror patterns in front of Bowe and Baldwin. That way, if Cassel throws to a small guy, Bowe/Baldwin are there for the 8 foot overthrow. Vice versa for Cassel throwing at the tall wide receivers' feet.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 12:32 PM 07-22-2012
The Reddit thread on this is fantastic.

Originally Posted by :
You see what happens. Belichick doesn't mess around.

Hurt Brady? You get Cassel. Beat us consistently? We send Josh McDaniels to destroy your team. Disrespect from the city of Cleveland? Your fucking team goes to Baltimore.

[Reply]
OnTheWarpath15 12:36 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by Toad King:
He lost to Fitzpatrick when Fitzpatrick threw for 86 yards. :-)

And the Chiefs ran for 152 yards in that game.

I bet you can guess which game this is.
Oh, yes. The game in which Mr. Wonderful threw for 4 INT's and a QBR under 40 and told the media he graded out perfectly.
[Reply]
Al Bundy 12:37 PM 07-22-2012
Yet Casshole is better at his job than you are at yours Claynus.
[Reply]
Ace Gunner 12:37 PM 07-22-2012
"You see what happens. Belichick doesn't mess around.

Hurt Brady? You get Cassel. Beat us consistently? We send Josh McDaniels to destroy your team. Disrespect from the city of Cleveland? Your ****ing team goes to Baltimore"


:-)
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 12:41 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by Al Bundy:
Yet Casshole is better at his job than you are at yours Claynus.
Really? Because I just got a raise. I'm pretty sure Cassel's yearly salary is on the decline, barring stupidity from our GM.
[Reply]
Ace Gunner 12:46 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by saphojunkie:
Josh Looney was writing an article this week about how great Baldwin was at minicamp. He wrote that "There were acrobatic catches, leaping grabs and toe-touch finishes."

At first I thought "Great! Jon Baldwin is going to blow up!"

Then I realized...why is Cassel throwing passes so high that a 6'4 receiver with a 40 inch vertical has to LEAP for it? Or go to his toes?

Cassel throwing over people's heads and at their feet. Yay.

New offensive schemes has Wylie and McCluster running mirror patterns in front of Bowe and Baldwin. That way, if Cassel throws to a small guy, Bowe/Baldwin are there for the 8 foot overthrow. Vice versa for Cassel throwing at the tall wide receivers' feet.
"toe-touch finishes" referring to toe dragging to stay in bounds imo. Also, they want Baldwin to be that ally oop guy in the paint. Not disagreeing Cassel could miss fish in a barrel though. Idiot telegraphs every throw, maybe his inaccuracy is a shield from INT's. I've seen opposing DB's shake their head after a pass play that was way off target. Like, wtf.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 02:19 PM 07-22-2012
YES! YES!!!!


[Reply]
Baby Lee 02:57 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by Toad King:
YES! YES!!!!

But he more than makes up for it with inaccuracy and poor decision making.
[Reply]
Hammock Parties 03:02 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by Baby Lee:
But he more than makes up for it with inaccuracy and poor decision making.
"Well, we couldn't block, but we made up for it by not tackling."
[Reply]
lcarus 03:11 PM 07-22-2012
Yep, Cassel sucks. Tell us all something we don't know dude. You could get a million signatures on a petition and Pioli wouldn't give a shit. Neither would CHunt.
[Reply]
splatbass 03:36 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by saphojunkie:
Josh Looney was writing an article this week about how great Baldwin was at minicamp. He wrote that "There were acrobatic catches, leaping grabs and toe-touch finishes."

At first I thought "Great! Jon Baldwin is going to blow up!"

Then I realized...why is Cassel throwing passes so high that a 6'4 receiver with a 40 inch vertical has to LEAP for it? Or go to his toes?

Cassel throwing over people's heads and at their feet. Yay.
Without actually seeing them we have no way of knowing whether they were bad throws or if Baldwin was heavily covered and that was the only way to get the ball where he could catch it. I know everyone hates Cassel, but there is no reason to make assumptions.
[Reply]
King_Chief_Fan 05:35 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by Toad King:
Really? Because I just got a raise. I'm pretty sure Cassel's yearly salary is on the decline, barring stupidity from our GM.
you got a raise due to the minimum wage rate increase......what is it you do?
[Reply]
RunKC 05:58 PM 07-22-2012
Does anyone have the gif of Cassel in the Ravens playoff game where he had like 10 seconds in the pocket and threw the INT? I believe it was in the late 3rd quarter.
[Reply]
RealSNR 05:58 PM 07-22-2012
Originally Posted by splatbass:
Without actually seeing them we have no way of knowing whether they were bad throws or if Baldwin was heavily covered and that was the only way to get the ball where he could catch it. I know everyone hates Cassel, but there is no reason to make assumptions.
:-)

Did you fucking READ the OP?
[Reply]
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